On the second day of Destigmatizing Sexual Health & Wellness In Motherhood, Mama Comes First gave to me... unpacking myths about maternal sexuality!

The stigma around maternal sexuality is fueled by myths that create shame, silence, and impossible expectations. These myths tell mothers who they should be ~ selfless, desexualized, disconnected from their own bodies and needs. By calling out and debunking these myths, we give mothers the space to reconnect with their bodies, embrace their desires, and feel empowered in their sexuality without guilt or shame. This post explores some of the most common myths about maternal sexuality.

Myth: You shouldn’t have sex when you’re pregnant.

For *most* pregnancies, sex is safe, healthy, and might even be beneficial. The baby is well-protected by the amniotic sac and uterus, and sex can reduce stress, boost circulation, and foster connection. This myth perpetuates stigma by treating pregnant people as vessels for reproduction, rather than autonomous humans with sexual needs and desires. It sends the message that their needs and wants don’t matter anymore. Pregnant people deserve to embrace their sexual wants and needs without guilt or fear. If you are unsure if sex is safe for your pregnancy, talk to your healthcare provider.

Myth: You should be ready to resume sexual activity around 6 weeks.

The 6-week mark is just a general guideline for physical recovery, but readiness for sex depends on so much more than your physical healing. Emotions, hormones, sleep deprivation, and mental well-being all play a role. It is very normal to not have any interest in sex for months, or even a year (or more), after giving birth. Some people feel ready before 6 weeks, that is ok, too (though there can be some risks if returning to sex before your body has fully recovered, so check with your provider if you are unsure). This myth pressures mothers to follow arbitrary timelines instead of honoring their own needs. Your body, your journey, your pace, your choice to decide when you’re ready. .

Myth: Pain or discomfort with sex is normal after you give birth.

Pain or discomfort with sex is NEVER normal. NEVER. It is a signal that something is going on, often it is something that is treatable. Issues like pelvic floor dysfunction, scar tissue, hormonal changes, or trauma can all cause pain or discomfort. With the right support, like pelvic floor therapy or medical care, pain and discomfort can be resolved. This myth keeps mothers disconnected from their bodies and prevents them from seeking help. Mothers (and everyone else!) should not settle for sex that does not feel good, and especially sex that is painful or uncomfortable.

Myth: Your vagina is ruined by childbirth.

VAGINAS ARE MAGICAL and designed to stretch to allow a whole human to come out AND recover. Childbirth can temporarily change the pelvic floor and vaginal tissues, but vaginas are incredibly resilient. With time, healing, and proper care—like pelvic floor therapy if needed—your vagina can regain strength, tone, and function. Childbirth doesn’t "ruin" your body. It’s a transformative process, and any changes that come with it are a natural part of that journey, NOT a loss of value or function. This myth is rooted in misogyny and the hyper-focus on women’s bodies as objects. It shames mothers for their postpartum bodies, creating fear and insecurity about natural changes. It discourages mothers from seeking care for issues like pelvic floor dysfunction or pain because they feel embarrassed or broken.

Myth: You should have sex because you feel bad for your partner... “it’s been too long."

Sex should never come from guilt or obligation. Your body, brain, and soul have undergone incredible changes through pregnancy, birth, and postpartum. Many factors can affect your interest in sex ~ your physical recovery, hormones, sleep deprivation, mental health, the mental load, etc. If partnered, your partner needs to recognize and respect these changes, understanding that sex isn’t about meeting a timeline or fulfilling a “duty, it’s about mutual care, understanding, and shared connection. This myth creates resentment and disconnect, placing the burden of responsibility on mothers. You deserve to engage in sex because you want to, not because you feel pressured to.

Myth: Mothers are not/should not be sexual beings.

Becoming a mother doesn’t, and shouldn’t, erase your sexuality. Mothers are whole people, fully capable of nurturing others while also embracing their own needs and desires. Not only is it okay for mothers to prioritize themselves, it’s essential. Tending to your own wants and needs isn’t selfish; it’s necessary. Mothers deserve to honor their desires without guilt or shame. This myth stems from the harmful expectation that mothers should be completely selfless, giving endlessly of their time, energy, and bodies. Our patriarchal society tells us that “good mothers” don’t have the time, energy, or even the right to think about their own needs and wants.