On the fourth day of Destigmatizing Sexual Health & Wellness In Motherhood, Mama Comes First gave to me... a reminder that rest is revolutionary.

In a society that glorifies the grind, rest isn’t lazy...it’s revolutionary. Capitalism and patriarchy burned down the villages mothers once relied on, replacing it with individualism and impossible expectations. Mothers are told to give endlessly, meet the unattainable standards of the “good mother,” and sacrifice their needs. These systems isolate us, keep our labor invisible, and make us feel shame and guilt when we can’t keep up. Rest isn’t just a break; it’s a way to fight back and reclaim power in a society designed to keep mothers powerless.

93% of ^others reported feeling burned out inMotherly’s 2021 State of Motherhood Survey of 11,000 ^others

Why Does Maternal Maternal Exaustion Exist?

Capitalist Pressures: Ever feel like no matter how much you do, it’s never enough? That’s because our society values productivity over people. We’re taught that resting is lazy and that our worth comes from how much we can do.

Patriarchal Ideals: The patriarchy tells moms they should give everything to their families. It sets impossible standards and ignores all the hard work moms do, like managing the household or caring for kids. When moms can’t meet these expectations, they feel ashamed and push themselves harder instead of resting.

Social Isolation: Moms are often left to handle everything alone, with little support. Many don’t get enough help at home and end up doing way more than their fair share, leaving them exhausted. These pressures (society’s obsession with productivity, the patriarchy’s impossible expectations), and lack of support, create a cycle where moms feel like they can’t stop, even though they need rest the most.

These pressures (society’s obsession with productivity, the patriarchy’s impossible expectations), and lack of support, create a cycle where moms feel like they can’t stop, even though they need rest the most.

How Does Burnout Impact Maternal Sexual Health & Wellness?

~The constant pressure to “do it all” disconnects mothers from their bodies, needs, and wellness.

~ Chronic stress elevates cortisol, interfering with libido and arousal.

~ Exhaustion dulls awareness, making it harder to notice discomfort, desire, or what feels good.

~ Shame around rest fuels stigma, convincing mothers they’re unworthy of care or connection.

~ Constant mental juggling drains focus, leaving no room for connection or self-care (see our Day 3 for more on this!).

~ Without rest, there’s no time or space for self- reflection or addressing physical and emotional needs.

Reclaiming and prioritizing rest isn’t indulgent or selfish, it’s essential for reconnecting with your body, prioritizing your health and wellness, and embracing your right to care and pleasure.

How does prioritizing rest help to destigmatize maternal sexual health and wellness?

Rest helps moms reconnect with their bodies. It creates time and space to recognize their needs and desires, including sexual wellness. Rest restores energy for intimacy. Replenished energy makes it easier to enjoy intimacy and pleasure. Rest challenges the pressure to always be productive. It creates space for self-care, including sexual health and wellness. Rest shows that moms’ well-being matters. It challenges the idea that moms must always sacrifice their needs, normalizing self-care as essential. Rest reduces stress and burnout. Lower stress removes barriers to sexual desire and pleasure, while sharing the mental load makes space for connection. Rest reminds moms their needs are important. This includes sexual health and wellness as part of overall well-being. Rest improves emotional availability. Feeling more emotionally open can lead to greater intimacy. Rest pushes back against harmful societal norms. It shows that moms deserve wellness, pleasure, and the right to prioritize themselves.

Ways to Prioritize Rest

Short-Term Strategies:

~ Schedule Rest: Block out time for small breaks during the day, even if it’s just 5-10 minutes.

~ Address The Mental Load: the invisible mental labor that comes with managing a household, parenting, and life. This often falls disproportionately on mothers. See our Day 3 post for more on the mental load.

~ Set Boundaries: Say no to commitments that drain your energy without aligning with your values.

~ Unplug: Step away from screens and social media to quiet the noise and focus on the present.

~ Quick Joys: Take a walk, read a book, spend time in nature, or simply sit in silence to recharge.

Long-Term Strategies:

~ Redefine Roles: Challenge the belief that you must “do it all” and embrace shared responsibilities. For single parent households, we know this is much harder to do. Take advantage of anyone who offers to help, friends, family, etc. Getting your children involved early and often is important. Children can and should help with taking care of their home. The home is a shared space and everyone living in it should be contributing to care tasks. It is unfair and unrealistic to expect one person to be responsible for everything. We also can’t emphasize the importance of finding or building community enough.

~ Push for Policy Changes: Get involved in orgs that advocate for better parental leave, affordable childcare, and workplace flexibility.

~ Build Support Networks/Community: Connect with others to create spaces where rest is normalized and celebrated. Its past time to rebuild our villages.

~ Embrace Therapy & Coaching: Therapy and coaching can help moms let go of guilt, push back against the need to "do it all," and see rest as essential. They also offer support for navigating relationship challenges, the mental load, setting boundaries, and finding balance in the chaos of motherhood.