How Patriarchy Fucks Fathers’ Sex Lives

Yes, we are a sexual health and wellness platform for moms, but we care about dads too! Our goal is for everyone to have pleasurable and fulfilling sex lives. Understanding barriers such as patriarchal societal norms is essential in achieving this. Patriarchy not only shapes gender roles but also affects the intimate lives of fathers, often in restrictive and damaging ways. This post explores how patriarchy impacts fathers' sex lives. 

1. Rigid Gender Roles

 Patriarchy enforces rigid gender roles, dictating how men should behave and what their relationships should look like. Fathers are often expected to be the breadwinners, the strong and silent types who suppress their emotions. This can lead to a lack of emotional intimacy in relationships, which is crucial for a healthy sex life. 

2. Emotional Suppression

 From a young age, boys are taught to suppress their emotions. Emotional suppression can lead to difficulties in expressing vulnerability and intimacy, both of which are essential for a fulfilling sexual relationship. When fathers are unable to express their emotions, it can create a disconnect with their partners, leading to less satisfying sex lives.

3. Performance Pressure 

Patriarchy  equates masculinity with sexual prowess and dominance. Fathers may feel an immense pressure to perform sexually in a way that conforms to these societal expectations. This can lead to anxiety, stress, and even sexual dysfunction. A study published in the Journal of Sexual Medicine found that performance anxiety is a significant factor contributing to erectile dysfunction in men. 

4. Lack of Open Communication 

In a patriarchal society, discussions about sexual needs and desires are often stigmatized, especially for men. Fathers might feel uncomfortable or embarrassed to talk openly about their sexual health or preferences. This lack of communication can hinder a satisfying sex life. Open dialogue is crucial, as highlighted by research studies, which shows that couples who communicate openly about sex have better sexual satisfaction. 

5. Impact on Fatherhood 

Patriarchal norms not only affect fathers’ relationships with their partners but also their roles as parents. The expectation to be the stoic provider can limit the emotional bonding with their children. This emotional strain can spill over into their intimate lives, creating a cycle of stress and dissatisfaction. 

6. Health Consequences 

The stress and pressure from trying to conform to patriarchal ideals can have significant health consequences, and possibly even contribute to their shortened lifespan (as mentioned in this article in Psychology of Men & Masculinities). Studies also show that men who internalize traditional gender roles are less likely to seek help for mental health issues, which can negatively impact their overall well-being, including their sexual health. 

To improve the sex lives of Fathers, it’s essential to challenge and dismantle these patriarchal norms. Encouraging emotional expression, open communication, and redefining gender roles can lead to healthier, more fulfilling relationships. Patriarchy has profound effects on the sex lives of fathers, often in ways that are harmful and restrictive. By understanding and addressing these impacts, we can move towards a society where both mothers and fathers can experience healthy, satisfying intimate lives. At Mama Comes First, we advocate for breaking free from these oppressive norms, empowering all parents to live fully liberated and joyful lives.